Next to fear, the next main thing that robs my clients of their peace and joy is the habit of worrying. And worrying is a habit and habits can be changed.
In this article we’ll look at a way of dealing with constantly worrying (not the things you worry about!) But first, some definitions.
worry
worried – worrying - worries
1. To feel uneasy or concerned about something; be troubled., to brood over
2. To proceed doggedly in the face of difficulty or hardship; struggle
3. To cause to feel anxious, distressed, or troubled.
4. To bother or annoy, as with petty complaints.
5. To seize with the teeth and shake or tug at repeatedly: think of a dog refusing to let go of a bone
6. To attack roughly and repeatedly; harass.
7. The act of worrying or the condition of being worried; persistent mental uneasiness., anxious
8. A source of nagging concern or uneasiness
Whatever the definition, many report to me that “worrying” is akin to suffering. And so here we may turn to Buddhism to seek a little enlightenment. In Buddhism there are four noble truths, the first two of which are
1. Life means suffering.
To live means to suffer, because the human nature is not perfect and neither is the world we live in. During our lifetime, we inevitably have to endure physical suffering such as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death; and we have to endure psychological suffering like sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, and depression. Although there are different degrees of suffering and there are also positive experiences in life that we perceive as the opposite of suffering, such as ease, comfort and happiness, life in its totality is imperfect and incomplete, because our world is subject to impermanence. This means we are never able to keep permanently what we strive for, and just as happy moments pass by, we ourselves and our loved ones will pass away one day, too.
2. The origin of suffering is attachment.
The origin of suffering is attachment to transient things, things that can seldom, if ever, be permanent in our lives, even the desire for peace. Transient things do not only include the physical objects that surround us, but also ideas, desires for things to happen or not to be happening, and -in a greater sense- all objects of our perception. Ignorance is the lack of understanding of how our mind gets so fixed and attached to wanting or needing these impermanent things. The reasons for suffering are desire, passion, ardor, pursuit of wealth and prestige, striving for fame and popularity, or in short: craving and clinging. Because the objects of our attachment are transient, their loss is inevitable, things come and go, things happen, thus suffering will necessarily follow.
I know for many, be they adherents to Buddhism or not, they find that meditation helps in may ways counter the negativity of worry and worrying.
Meditation plays an important part in most schools of Buddhism with the practice being to obtain some degree of concentration, perhaps focusing on the breath, on a coloured disk or a mantra (the repetition of a word or phrase, often in Sanskrit.) In samatha or calm meditation, concentration leads to deeper meditative states known as jhanas. These are states of rapture and joy, deeply pleasurable experiences but beyond those of a sensory kind, and far removed from the state of constantly worrying. The Buddha referred to them as “the rapture and pleasure that are apart from sensual pleasures, apart from unwholesome states.”
Rapture
What prevents the experience of these states during meditation are known as the five hindrances: sensual desire, ill-will, a disinclination to work or exert yourself, apathy, restlessness and worry, and sceptical doubt.
The eradication of these five hindrances - even if only temporary - makes the experience of such rapturous states possible.
Sensual desire includes craving for what is pleasant to the five senses. Ill-will refers to feelings of irritation, anger, aggression and malice directed towards others. Disinclination to work or exert yourself and apathy arise when one's practice is sluggish or half-hearted, a failure to arouse the necessary energy to concentrate the mind. Restlessness and worry refer to the inability to calm the mind, and when we think unduly of the past and/or future rather than staying with the moment.
When any of the five hindrances are present, it is difficult to see things as they really are. The mind becomes unstable, distracted and unfocused. The Buddha uses the following analogy to explain this. The mind is like a pond. With the hindrances aspects of the pond that prevent us from seeing our reflection clearly.
Our desires are like pollutants in the pond that make it cloudy. Ill-will makes the pond cloudy because the mud at the bottom has been churned up. The weeds and grasses that may overwhelm a pond are likened to our unwillingness to take responsibility, to exert the necessary work or action, to be sluggish and apathetic. The wind on the surface of the pond is like restlessness and worry, whipping up the calmness of the waters. And a pond filled with mud is like the mind filled with sceptical doubt, limiting beliefs, negative attitudes.
Although the five hindrances are principally spoken of in the context of meditation, they have a wider resonance for the way we live our lives. To be constantly craving sensual satisfaction, to constantly wanting things to be different whilst taking no action to bring about the difference, to have a mind filled with ill-will and irritation, to be lazy and lethargic, to avoid taking responsibility for our lives, detracts form the quality of our lives and our relationships with others.
You cannot expect different results if you keep on doing the same things!
So let’s aim for a shift by doing something different.
First thing to realise is that the more you think about or talk about what worries you, the greater the worry will intensify. What you give attention to, multiplies.
Yes, there is some strength in confiding in a trusted friend about what worries you but if you keep playing the worry scenario over and over in your mind, or out loud to your friend it’s time to acknowledge that this is doing you no good and probably is pushing your friend away. How many more times must they here this story if you are doing nothing to better your situation?
For many, despite the best of intention, often they we will do nothing with the worry warts until they become sufficiently discomforted, ie they get to the point where they say at some level, “enough is enough – I can’t go on like this”. It’s like having signs of a physical illness and thinking they will go away and doing nothing about them until there really is no alternative, when you are so discomforted; you have to do something different.
Mind you, we get loads of attention and sympathy if we talk about our worries. But this seldom solves the problems we face.
