So here is a summary of some things you can do if you have a tendency to worry.
1. Make a commitment to stop the habit of ruminating over your worries and constantly repeating them. Commit to releasing them and taking action.
2. Get a picture in your mind of what you would rather have than the worry or the thing you are worried about. It may be an image of the problem solved. Keep this in mind and begin to feel what it would be like to be released from worry and to be living in a solved situation. It is crucial to FEEL.
Let this vision be your guide each time worries kick in during this exercise.
3. Write out what it is that worries you. (In fact it does not worry YOU – it is your reaction to an event that creates the worrying.)
4. Analyse your situation and figure out what is the worst thing that could happen regarding what you are worrying about. WRITE IT DOWN. Once it’s out we can really face it. Usually once we’ve identified the worst that can happen, and analysed it, it transpires that it may not be as bad as we first imagined.
5. Now look at what you have written and challenge it – is it really true that “X” or “Y” will happen? How do you know? What evidence have you got? Or is it really all in the mind? If something similar happened before, how can you tell exactly that it will happen again?
6. Next, face these worries and what you imagine will be the worst possible outcome. For to you they are real enough. Reconcile yourself to, “So, what if the worst did happen?” You realise the world will not end, no one will shoot you. You’ll survive.
(I remember once in the United States of America being threatened at gun point and found myself calmly saying to a van load of red-necks, “ I do not fear death so if you get a kick out of killing me, here’s your chance.” They called me nuts and drove off. I guess if I had displayed I was worried I would have entered their game and they would have won.)
7. You might want to remind yourself of all the other things you worried about and how you managed through, and probably as soon as you did, you moved on, or started to find something else to worry about. You might even notice that those “bad” things actually turned out to be blessings in disguise, key turning points in your life.
8. Now instead of worrying, start to work on what you can DO about each of the things you identified at 3 above. No matter how tiny, take that first step to bring about change, even if it means reaching out and seeking help. But the difference this time is you will not be just constantly repeating your worry, you will be asking for help to solve it. If people can move with you from just listening to your story, to being clearer how they can help you move through it, they are more likely to be able to see what help they can offer.
9. If worry keeps returning, take your focus back to your action plan. Give yourself something to divert your attention. Do something physical – go for a walk eg. Perhaps taking up meditation or some form of yoga would be a useful antidote to the worry wart syndrome. Above all, take yourself back to your vision of a live resolved.
About 15 years ago I faced a near death experience. I had doctors tell me there was nothing they could do for me. So I did my version of what I am asking you to do. I imagined the worst – I could die and reconciled myself to this as a possibility. But I challenged this, and decided I was not for moving on to the next life, I had things to do and I held this image, and the feelings it gave me, close by me every day and little by little a natural healing occurred, life changed, I made plans. And looking back, these past fifteen years have been the toughest ever, but they have also been the most blessed. That was a deciding turning point in my life.
People who knew me told me that I radiated an inner calm and peace (sure there are days still when it seems as if its faded) – but in truth, once you reconcile yourself to the worst that can happen, then nothing can truly harm you.
We started with Buddhism so let’s end with some words from the Christian bible. They still apply, even if you have no Christian beliefs.
“My worrying and being anxious will not add one unit of measure to my stature or to the span of my life.” (Matthew 6:27)
“I am strong, courageous, and firm; I fear not and am not in terror, for it is the Lord my God who goes with me; He will not fail me nor forsake me.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)
“In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.” (Psalm 86:7)
